So my name is Elaine or Lainii as my friends call me. I'm 16 and live in the UK. I've always wondered about what has happened to my life. You know the good times, the memories and the bad times and their problems. One of my many ways of coping is music, I love listening to music. From All Time Low to Thirty Seconds To Mars, to Jimmy Hendrix and the Sex Pistols. Just sitting hour after hour listening. I've changed dramatically over the years. I used to play with Barbies and Bratz and listen to pop music. But now I read comic books, smoke and play video games most of the time. I was never allowed to dye my hair. I'm originally blonde but I'm now a brunette and I'm happy with it. I use to be heavily stereotyped as a 'goth' or an 'emo'. I was never really those things.
I've had many problems. Bullying, self harm and depression. I still get depressed now and again and it leaves me with self loathing and repentance. I always get like this but I know what to do. You don't regret anything you do. Ever. Because in the end it creates who you are. I'm much happier now because I lose myself in my own world. Like I have a major obsession with the BBC Sherlock series, Disney, Marvel, DC Comics, Batman, Supernatural, Harry Potter, clothes, Jared Leto, Shannon Leto, Thirty Seconds To Mars, Punk culture, True Blood , video games etc. The list is endless . Just thinking about those things puts a smile on my face.
But the day that changed me was the loss of my grandad. I never got to know him very well. My dad tells me all the time "Your grandad will be so proud of you. He would have loved you." And I never forgot that. It crushed me when I found out. I remember asking my dad if he was going to be an orphanage instead of an orphan which made him laugh a little. It changed me physically and mentally. I felt lost. It hit my dad extremely hard and we're extremely close. Which led me going off the rails a couple of years later. I skipped school most of the time and began to smoke. Smoking helps me calm down and takes the edge off every single thing that's happened . I finished school but that was the start of the trouble. Police, questions, losing friends to be with 'boyfriends' , people getting involved when they have no fucking right to. But the good thing thats came out of all this trouble is my best friend - Sophie or as i call her Soph. Shes great. She's everything i could ask for in a best friend. She's trusting, caring, supportive, funny, loving and i wouldn't know what to do without her. A true friend.But remember this ladies and gentlemen....Out there in this world.... there are people who have bigger problems. Abuse. Violence. Crime. Hate crimes. Suicidal. Mental health etc. It just makes you think well how i think how lucky you really are.... The whole point of this website is for me to be your shoulder to cry on. Your friend. A mentor. But it will always be private. I respect privacy. Just remember that life is just too short and be perspective.... Stay strong guys xx <3
I've had many problems. Bullying, self harm and depression. I still get depressed now and again and it leaves me with self loathing and repentance. I always get like this but I know what to do. You don't regret anything you do. Ever. Because in the end it creates who you are. I'm much happier now because I lose myself in my own world. Like I have a major obsession with the BBC Sherlock series, Disney, Marvel, DC Comics, Batman, Supernatural, Harry Potter, clothes, Jared Leto, Shannon Leto, Thirty Seconds To Mars, Punk culture, True Blood , video games etc. The list is endless . Just thinking about those things puts a smile on my face.
But the day that changed me was the loss of my grandad. I never got to know him very well. My dad tells me all the time "Your grandad will be so proud of you. He would have loved you." And I never forgot that. It crushed me when I found out. I remember asking my dad if he was going to be an orphanage instead of an orphan which made him laugh a little. It changed me physically and mentally. I felt lost. It hit my dad extremely hard and we're extremely close. Which led me going off the rails a couple of years later. I skipped school most of the time and began to smoke. Smoking helps me calm down and takes the edge off every single thing that's happened . I finished school but that was the start of the trouble. Police, questions, losing friends to be with 'boyfriends' , people getting involved when they have no fucking right to. But the good thing thats came out of all this trouble is my best friend - Sophie or as i call her Soph. Shes great. She's everything i could ask for in a best friend. She's trusting, caring, supportive, funny, loving and i wouldn't know what to do without her. A true friend.But remember this ladies and gentlemen....Out there in this world.... there are people who have bigger problems. Abuse. Violence. Crime. Hate crimes. Suicidal. Mental health etc. It just makes you think well how i think how lucky you really are.... The whole point of this website is for me to be your shoulder to cry on. Your friend. A mentor. But it will always be private. I respect privacy. Just remember that life is just too short and be perspective.... Stay strong guys xx <3
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